I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
