I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
