you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
ok first of all what the fuck
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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