Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
