so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
