quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this will be a night to untag.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
