Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
