The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
