I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
