I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
