this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
