I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
