I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have fence marks all over my body
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
