i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
