no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need moral support for this bender
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
