its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
