she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
