yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
a search helicopter?!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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