So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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