How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
