I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
