I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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