I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
