Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can you bring me the toilet please
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
