eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
