I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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