a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
