somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
