Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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