Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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