normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
