let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
