Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
