Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
