every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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