There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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