I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
