OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
