It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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