I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
