dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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