After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
