Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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