i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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