my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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