I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
