May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
