Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
