Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
