38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
