You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
