turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
