I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
