My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
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We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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