If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
