I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
