I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
