god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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