Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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