So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
