I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
