I'm gonna have a badass scar
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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