I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
