Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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