Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
