I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i would punch a child for taco bell
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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