carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
