Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize