what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
