How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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