Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
