Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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