I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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