i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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