I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
