I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
