Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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