Pappa wants mamma naked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
