It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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