You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
They have beer where we have blood.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
