On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
